Leading up to my first Changed Retreat, I’d reached the lowest point in my life. I had thoughts of suicide. I struggled to get out of bed and go to work each day. I had daily panic attacks and couldn't sleep. I hated my life. I felt like a failure as a mom, wife, friend, daughter, sister, employee, supervisor… I felt like I couldn't do anything right.
The retreat was my last resort. If it didn’t work, I was afraid of what my future would be like. Or if I would even have a future. So, I took a leap of faith because I knew it was my way of doing things that had put me in this bad spot.
At retreat, I realized I’d been trying my whole life to shield myself from hurtful words, untrustworthy people, and bad decisions. But every shield I tried to use was ineffective. Even though I believed in God, I had never fully trusted Him and made Him my shield. I had never fully trusted anyone. But God broke down my walls, began a healing work in me, and helped me learn to trust.
I left retreat with a newfound confidence in the Lord and a better sense of who I am. I am a child of God. With that truth, all of my fears disappeared. I gave my worries, my burdens, and my insecurities to God. It was like a switch had been flipped, and I came home full of joy and peace. God has continued to work in my life. Though the lies of the enemy try to pull me back down, I now have the tools I need to dispel those lies. And most importantly, I trust that God has my back. I know He loves me and will continue to give me the mercy and grace I need but don’t deserve.