Before the Changed Women's Retreat, I felt like I was being called by God to find something. I felt God's call so strong that it was waking me up in the middle of the night--thoughts crashing through my mind about life and God and people and where my life was going. I've been married a year, and we aren't a part of a church yet.
My brother said he went to a men's retreat and wanted his wife to attend this women's retreat, but she didn't want to come alone. So I decided to come with her. I came wanting help for my husband and wanting to meet good quality friends. But I wasn't at all prepared for what God had planned for me.
At first, I felt awkward and out of place. I don't socialize with women a lot since I work on a pipeline with men. My quiet times were spent just reading the Bible because I didn't know what else to do. I liked a lot of what the speaker was saying, but I was too guarded to let it penetrate my heart.
Then we talked about breaking soul ties and how we only want to be spiritually connected to Jesus. It broke my heart and smashed me into pieces. It's like the dam that was holding all my emotions, thoughts, fears, and skeletons was busted wide open. I cried my eyes out all that evening and all the next day while I made myself (literally argued with myself out lout) to write names in those blank spaces and break soul ties. As I faced my past and surrendered it to God, it broke me over and over again.
After that, I felt calm, free, and quiet. It made me so emotional to see women praying over each other and to feel love from people I didn't even know. I wanted to live in that world forever. I was literally one of the last people to leave camp because I just didn't want to leave the God bubble.
Since I've been home, I haven't told my husband much about camp. Instead, I'm trying to show him. I don't think he knows what to think, but he told me, "Whatever this is, it looks good on you."
Our marriage is stronger. Before, I was always so disappointed in him about things I thought I was missing to the point that I couldn't enjoy our marriage in any way. So when I think about how I went to camp searching for answers for him, I now realize, it was me that needed the work. I was trying to get something from him that he can't give me. Only God can be everything I need.
I feel like God is tweeking my soul a little every day, and through that, he's tweeking my husband in ways I could never have pulled off if I had tried. God's after my husband too. And I'm learning to just relax and do what I'm supposed to, and He'll do the rest.
I feel like the Changed Women's Retreat was the big cleanse before the diet and exercise started at home. It kicked me into gear and gave me the motivation for this upcoming marathon called Godly living.